I never loved you

{Sorry folks... i know I never lived up to the blogging thing. I stayed away from this for a long time... actually "long" is a disagreeable term, an understatement. I am actually surprised to see my blog page still persists! They should have nailed me into coffin by now! An apology. (But that does not necessarily mean I would start writing again periodically or seasonally... I will write when I will. huh! this post is a part of something I wrote some times back... it might have had its relevance then... so don't delve into details...)}

I never loved you. I loved your shadow. I saw you on and off. But I see your shadow every time I want to see. 

When you weren’t there I always saw your shadow in mine holding my hand, standing beside me. Even when I ask her to leave she never leaves me. Not like you who cares more about what I speak, not what I meant to. You abandoned me when I appeared foul to you. But that lass, your shadow, instead ruffles up my hair, soothes my bubbles, tempt my love, wins my soulful kindness.  She snuggles up to me in the night, on the bed, in the space between me and my pillow. I hold her close to my chest, rub my nose up her cheek, mop down her apparent exhaustion with my hand brushing up to her fingers, close my eyes, open up my heart, whisper my fear into her ear. But she dispels my every fear, fear of losing you, fear of you getting disarrayed with your commitments, fear for a life without you, fear for a day without you. She said her black robe will always protect me, accompany me even when her living presence will fail to shine upon my life, light up my face.

And see…this is exactly what happening to and in my life. Thanks for lending me your shadow. You are not here… but see, she is looking over my shoulder, at what am I writing at this hour of night.