It felt exactly the same way it did almost three years ago from today when my sister got married. Yesterday….even today morning I thought I would be getting over it easily as by now I must have been seasoned living half parted from her since that day. And given the fact that I am three more years older from that day…I convincingly promised myself that I would be Cool. But no I couldn’t keep it cool. Not even an inch close to that cool thing. It all started when I entered her flat to pick her and my Bro-in-law for the airport and saw its deserted look. Things were covered, boxes and containers were emptied, all her so-carefully-nurtured plants were gone, her meticulously chosen sheets, covers, trendy appliances and foolishly cute showpieces were nowhere to be seen and there she was ready to bid me an one year long ‘Tata’. Yeah. She’s off to Singapore for one long year along with her husband leaving me back here for the second time. It wrenched inside my stomach. the paranoia of losing you..... or of not having you there on the local call rate for sorting out serious things or for sharing spicy, petty issues alarmed me at once.
No, I don’t dread ‘the- future- without -you’ now, I am self-sufficient, [at least I’ve trained myself for these 3 years without that one part of you ]… but the moment I think about the new year, the Saraswati puja, the Durga puja, Bhai fota, rakhi and other such events that the future of this coming year holds out to me, I dread. Its like I am lost for the second time in life, second time to the same situation.
No, I don’t dread ‘the- future- without -you’ now, I am self-sufficient, [at least I’ve trained myself for these 3 years without that one part of you ]… but the moment I think about the new year, the Saraswati puja, the Durga puja, Bhai fota, rakhi and other such events that the future of this coming year holds out to me, I dread. Its like I am lost for the second time in life, second time to the same situation.
Ok…ok…I know. Its not ONE year, its 1 year. Its only a four hours journey. Skype is there to bring us both together..economically.Didi is going to be back in her flat in just few days and one year will fly away just like that….. yeah yeah I know all that. And moreover may be I am just acting a bit stupid, may be a bit more for my age. But hey I can’t help it. It is not something I’ve planned on behaving the way I am. The car ride was fine. It was all dark in there. Once we all got off at the airport, I simply couldn’t but elude her eyes. My parents were busy distributing crumbs of opinions, suggestions, advices, warnings in wholesale to them. I was listening with rapt attention as if it was me who was going out. My eyes were downcast and I was caught. She grasped my arms, I looked up, baffled, our eyes met, she winked…..and I don’t know what of my expressions were sought then, what would have made it look everything was cool while it was not so cool. I forced out a laugh callously. She put her hand on my shoulder while she kept her gaze fixed at mom. I knew I had failed in concealing me as it has always been with her. And that made me ache inside tremendously. I never wanted to dampen her mood and make her cry by herself (that I know she will once she gets a little time in private) …. .
